ConfessionS Of A SleePlesS MinD

My mind is a storm

The bidding system is just pissing me off. They expect us to sit in front of the computer, round the clock, to monitor the CORS system? A self-proclaimed world class institution can't even provide a server that can handle the bidding of Round 2A? The server/ CORS malfunctioned during the last hour of close bidding. What's wrong with those idiots who dump 1000 points into bidding a module? The lowest bid for one of the modules I wanted was 1000 points. I only have 120 points. I am giving up on bidding and pinning my hopes on appeals. Think I will just be a good boy and attend the lectures. Act pathetic, Get down on my knees, Hug the lecturer's feet, Beg him/her, Cry and lick the lecturer's toes if I have to. Haha... I'm a little mentally unsound now.

I am so bored at home. Nothing to do. Too lazy to do anything. Nobody to do anything with me. Sleep twice a day. At times like this, my mind just goes crazy, sink into self pity and think of all the nonsense. I 'm the sort that needs a goal, something to keep me occupied. All my friends seem so preoccupied with their own lifes. Sometimes I just feel like the man that wasn't there. It has always been. I want to know what's going on. But often, I'm the one that nobody tells anything to. I'm like this passing shadow that can be done without. Always the crowd filler, never the essential brew. Always the 2nd, 3rd, 4th fiddle... I know my personality plays in part in how people perceive me and make people relate to me in a certain way. It's hard to relate to me or feel really close to me. I know that and I hate that. But that's just the way I am. Perhaps bad experiences in the past may have made me what I am today.

I like people who are true. "Fake" people just serve to entertain me. I want true feelings from people. I need it honest. I don't want sympathy. I'm too proud for that. I don't want friends who read this blog to suddenly see that I need attention and start showing me attention. That's just too fake. Not that people are reading my blog anyways. Yet, at the same time, I need to feel and know that I am important. Ironic, huh? I just want the impossible. That's harsh. Maybe it's just near impossible but not impossible. Just very very rare. I just feel that what's unsaid is more important than what's said. But not saying anything makes it hard for people to know how you feel. Maybe I should learn to speak up more, but that won't be my true self. Maybe I belong to the ancient times in the Chinese Martial World (Wu Lin). haha... Is there anyone out there?- Oh Eh Eh Oh!!!... When will that special someone appear for me? Am I the one blocking everyone out? I just need to start accepting myself first.

Storms in the microcosm are reflected in the macrocosm. My room probably reflects the state of my mind. I am plenty of free time but I can't be bothered to pack up my room.












































All the above blabbering is a result of extreme boredom. It's time to do something.
Like the Nike ad says: Reincarnate.
Time to get a new life.

posted by KERMIT @ 11:21 PM