Everybody's Changing(Leaving)
"I'm leaving on a jet plane, who knows when I'll be back again."Sent off a friend yesterday. He is going to study in Imperial College under a scholarship. The whole bunch of guys were there to send him off. This is a friend that I respect alot. He is always so sure of himself, so confident. You always feel that everything is in place when he is around. Everything is under control. He was always the one organizing the gatherings and binding the gang together. He always seem to know exactly what he wants out of his life, what he wants to do and almost certainly knows how to do them. I wish I have that confidence about myself and that capability to go along with it. Now that he is gone, I can only guess that the gang will start drifting apart, especially when everybody gets more engrossed in their own lifes. I wish him all the best for the great future that lies ahead of him.
Friends are leaving or have left the country for their studies. I am stuck here on "the place where I belong...". Getting sick of Uni life. The same routine every semester, every week and everyday. It feels like going through the 9th season of Survivor. Tedious, boring. It gets worse when you see your friends leaving you. You feel empty, lost, lonely, forgotten, stuck............... The fear that the friendship will never be the same again and maybe be forgotten. I am becoming desensitized. I no longer feel as much, or react as much as I use to. I am becoming numb to things happening around me. Zombified. Just going through the cycle that everyone else has gone through- the way to survive in this society, they will tell you. A friend once told me:"You are a very calm person." Its just that I can be bothered to or can't react to anything anymore.
After the sending off, loneliness crept into me. Then I heard the song "Together Again" by Janet Jackson. The image started to reappear in my mind. I recall the day that she danced to the song in front of the school. The tracks, the dance moves, the noise around me, even the colours came back to me. It made this song special to me. I know we will always only just be friends and I treat her only as a friend now. But I wished we could have been friends that spoke heart to heart but she already has someone to speak her heart out to. I will always be that someone's shadow, but maybe that is good enough. But all that doesn't matter anymore, now that time has passed and she has gone overseas to study and things are not what it used to be.
Everywhere I go, every smile I see, I know you are there smiling back at me.
Dancing in moonlight, I know you are free, cause I can see your star, shining down on me
With the lyrics ringing in my head, I feel younger already..........
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