凌晨两点钟的思绪.
一样的一群人, 但是感觉却不一样. 我想口是心非是人的本性之一. 仔细的自我反醒之后, 我也何尝不是. 我们说的全都是一些无关紧要, 敷衍, 应付尴尬的一些场面话. 那种流露自如, 不需经过大脑过滤的真心话变少了. 我没有想到我竟然会把尴尬这两个字和他们联想在一起. 随着时间的流逝, 距离越来越远. 实际的距离不到一公尺, 但是灵魂早已隔了十万八千里. 大家都好像有所隐瞒, 不愿多说. 我感觉好像一个快溺毙的小孩, 怎么抓也抓不到浮板, 就快透不过气了,感觉不舒服.我想我太美化自己了. 我就是那么自以为是. 我觉得自己很了解情况, 但是我一点也不了解. 我不意表达我内心深处的感觉. 也许是我不懂得表达. 我开不了口. 我不想表达. 我不想搞杂局面. 我没有资格干涉别人的生活. 宇宙有她的规律, 人也一样. 每个人的规律不同. 每个人都会变. 自己也会变. 在没有察觉自己改变的当儿, 你可能会觉到只有别人变了. 一个人不可能永远保持不变. 人身经历是会改变一个人的.
我想自己应该是个EQ的智障儿. 我非常不善于处理人于人之间的关系. 与其说错不如不说. 祸从口出有它一定的道理. 我也不知道该说什么才好. 可能因为这样, 无里头的笑话成为了我的沟通方式. 笑话也可能是一种暂时掩盖和忘掉内心的寂默, 空虚, 无奈, 郁闷, 悲伤的一个方法. 我想我需要找一个心灵寄托, 但这不是一件简单的事, 尤其对我来说.
2 Comments:
Hey... didn't realized you were having an emotional rollercoaster recently. So 'cock-eyed' of me not to see that.
Anyway, instead of thinking that this fren of yours has something to hide from you and is causing u both to feel awkward, why not think of it this way: maybe he/she has his own reasons for withholding the truth from u. maybe he/she is aware of ur feelings that's why he/she's keeping quiet? maybe he/she's worried what u might think of him/her if he/she says it? maybe he/she thinks u can't handle it? maybe it isn't the time to say? there can be so many possibilities.
I know sometimes as a fren to others, u still want them to have some privacy, but on the other hand, as best frens, shouldn't there be no secrets? Of course this is a double-edged sword. but i'm sure u will understand your fren better than anyone so maybe if u trying taking the 1st step in asking him/her, you actually could get some answers. i know the feeling of having to swallow up your actual emotions is unbearable, esp it sounds like u have been doing that for a long time already. if u 2 are much closer than just frens, lame jokes can't always help in saving the embarrassing situation.
if he/she takes u as more than a fren, then find time to talk to him/her, u might just get the answer u want.
i dunno whether my words make sense or not but i hope u will feel better soon.
Well. I am not going through any emotional rollercoaster. The post was just some 感想. Some self-reflection. That's all. Nothing emotional. Maybe the language was too flowery, making it sound too dramatic. Self-reflection is good. Keeps one grounded.
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