Reflections
There are just so much negativities in life. So many things can go wrong. I think it is time to look on the bright side. It was only after a recent incident that made me realize what a whiner I was. I always complain about things around me. It is like a habit. I guess it is always something I use to keep a conversation going. I sort of develop a natural tendency to bitch about. Bitching and whining got me into trouble during this incident. After this incident, I started comtemplating about how I was leading my life and what kind of a person I was. I have always felt that my friends were luckier than me. I was always getting into trouble for stupid things but not them. I felt angry for the unequal treatment on me. But the incident really woke me up! I realize that it was I who was getting myself into trouble. More often than not, me and my big mouth. I just have this uncontrollable blabber, tendency to complain about things. It is like this inertia that is hard to stop when the ball starts rolling. Maybe it is true that I am not a very lucky person, but I think I have been fortunate enough in some aspects.I was thinking so much about it the night of the incident that I could not sleep. I started realizing that perhaps it wasn't so much luck but more on the fact that I am not skillful in bending the rules or playing the game. In that case, I think I had better keep my mouth shut. Let the trash filter through my brain before I go through verbal diarrhea and regurgitate all the trash in my mind. Leave the trash for the blog perhaps- they might be good entertainment for those who read. PLay by the rules perhaps? It is like a trap from God- I most often then not get caught when I try to bend the rules. Guess I am just too unaware of my surroundings or stupid for the game or the politicking.
Time to learn to think more and talk less trash and act as if I know everything. Because when I think back, I think I act like an immature idiot. But this will be a hard process for me, to be ever so aware and to think through all before I say them.I am so used to being the clown among my friends. At the time when I am the clown, I guess I feel really happy that I am contributing. But sometimes when I just thnk back on how stupid I have acted, I feel upset with myself. I feel so wasted. I feel foolish. I just hate it when I feel damn smart sometimes when I do not know enough, when I act like I know something when I haven't got a clue, when my pride stands in the way of enlightenment. I want a change in the way the game of my life works and not to regret my actions later. This will be a hard process but I hope I will get there...eventually.
Go do your own reflection now.... Leave me comments if you wish to share your experiences...
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