Normalcy, opposites attract
Just popped down a whole box of panadol and a can of coke... Just kidding. Just popped down 2 pills of panadol. I can feel flu and fever creeping in. My body was sore, I felt hot inside but cold on the outside. Feel much better now, starting to sweat after taking panadol.Had our advertising project discussion today. Felt really tired, couldn't think much or come up with any ideas. Actually I quite gian to do the creative part. It's fun, I've always liked to imagine things and I'm kinda sick of typing reports. But I know Kenneth very gian to do creative, and Lianwei came up with the idea. So OK loh, do report also can lah.
Got back my Lit Stylistic essay. Got only 6.7. I think the class average is around 7-8 plus. For the class test, got only 6.8. Class average also around 7-8 plus. Sianz...
I have become so dysfunctional as a member of this society. I just fear that one day, I would not fit into society at all and become an outcast. This angry, autistic, cynical loser who is an eyesore. This gollum-esque freak of nature that everyone hates to love, but loves to hate. The fear that I can never be normal like the rest, or live a "normal" life that everyone is supposed to live. BUT if I succeed in making everyone else like me, an army of me (isn't that thrillingly freaky), then I would have succeeded in becoming normal. I set normality.
Everyone(generalisation but true) craves to be normal, to fit into the mould. The problem occurs when you feel you aren't normal. Some people do a good job and make a living out of being "ab"normal- the term normally used is unique and special. But what about people who want to be normal but don't feel that they can ever be normal? How do they reconcile their feelings and their wants? Sometimes, people become dysfunctional because society make them feel "ab"normal. The more you refuse to conform, the more "ab"normal you are made to look. Normality-a powerful act of the mind. When it swallows you and becomes your very existence, society has succeeded and you have lost your very existence as an individual being. When you think you are special- are you really special or is it just the norm of the society to try to be special? If everyone is special, no one is special anymore. (Panadol and coke starting to take its effects...)
Recently I watched Fight Club. Not a bad show but I kinda expected the twist. Nowadays, I am so used to twists, it takes something really creative and clever to surprise me. In the show, Edward Norton is this schizophrenic guy. Basically, it is this Jekyll and Hyde thing, where the Brad Pitt character is actually the Norton character but the Norton character doesn't know it until the 2nd half of the show. The Brad Pitt character is all that the Norton character wants to be and all that he is not or thinks that he's not. Handsome, male adonis, great in bed, commanding, rebellious, etc.
Think of someone you wish you were. What does that person stand for?
Most likely, that idol of yours is someone that's all that you're not. You feed your lack in that person's haves. Some poeple say opposites attract. You find what you lack in the person you are attracted to. The two combine to make a complete whole, the balance of the Yin and the Yang and all that shit. Is that absolutely true? I dunno, one needs a date to know. How would someone like me know?
Think of a person you hate. Why do you hate this person?
I have this theory that sometimes you hate a person because he is deeply similar to you. He has traits that you hate and these are the traits that you have too, but sometimes you are just unwilling to admit or you are concisously unaware that you are like that too. Deep down you know- Damn, I'm just so fucking like him/her but I hate that.
OK, the panadol and coke effect wearing off liao. Need to go. Time to chase the dragon...
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