Monday, January 10, 2005

凌晨两点钟的思绪.

一样的一群人, 但是感觉却不一样. 我想口是心非是人的本性之一. 仔细的自我反醒之后, 我也何尝不是. 我们说的全都是一些无关紧要, 敷衍, 应付尴尬的一些场面话. 那种流露自如, 不需经过大脑过滤的真心话变少了. 我没有想到我竟然会把尴尬这两个字和他们联想在一起. 随着时间的流逝, 距离越来越远. 实际的距离不到一公尺, 但是灵魂早已隔了十万八千里. 大家都好像有所隐瞒, 不愿多说. 我感觉好像一个快溺毙的小孩, 怎么抓也抓不到浮板, 就快透不过气了,感觉不舒服.

我想我太美化自己了. 我就是那么自以为是. 我觉得自己很了解情况, 但是我一点也不了解. 我不意表达我内心深处的感觉. 也许是我不懂得表达. 我开不了口. 我不想表达. 我不想搞杂局面. 我没有资格干涉别人的生活. 宇宙有她的规律, 人也一样. 每个人的规律不同. 每个人都会变. 自己也会变. 在没有察觉自己改变的当儿, 你可能会觉到只有别人变了. 一个人不可能永远保持不变. 人身经历是会改变一个人的.

我想自己应该是个EQ的智障儿. 我非常不善于处理人于人之间的关系. 与其说错不如不说. 祸从口出有它一定的道理. 我也不知道该说什么才好. 可能因为这样, 无里头的笑话成为了我的沟通方式. 笑话也可能是一种暂时掩盖和忘掉内心的寂默, 空虚, 无奈, 郁闷, 悲伤的一个方法. 我想我需要找一个心灵寄托, 但这不是一件简单的事, 尤其对我来说.

Contemplations on Tsunami

09/01/04 Sunday- Singapore Memorial Service for Tsunami Victims. Its been 2 weeks since the fateful day of 26/12/04. The Tsunami has demonstrated the prowess of nature. For all the intelligence that Man seem to possess, we are unable to conquer nature. All that we build can be destroyed in a single sweep.

I can't help but get frustrated by the one-sided media coverage of the event. There wasn't a single footage of the conditions in African countries like Somalia. There were over 100 dead there. Was there a short of footage, lack of interest, media politics? Oil-rich countries, predominantly Islamic states were condemned for their "stinginess" in reaching out to the victimized countries, esp. when the worst hit country was Indonesia, the biggest Islamic country in the world. What is Brunei doing to help? One of the richest, if not the richest country of South East Asia. What are they doing to help their Islamic brother?

What has started out as a initial media coverage of the losses and tragedy of the Tsumani has evolved into a race for the highest donor. Rich countries were condemned for giving too little. Since then, the race is on. Media coverage focus on who is giving more. Tables and charts of the highest donors, like a billboard chart. Movements on the charts are tracked everyday. The disaster has become a PR publicity stint for countries to compete in. Money is not the saviour of this disaster. Logistics is. Donations are abundant but the victims are not getting them. Focus should be on reaching out to the victims, solving the logistics, not face-saving by donating more money. But Politics will be Politics. That has been the way since the birth of mankind.

Not to forget the extensive coverage by the Singapore Media on the good deeds of Singapore. The media, the tool for nationalistic propaganda. The repitition of OUR PM initiating the conference with leaders on post-tsunami. The incessant coverage of effectiveness of Singapore troops, the praises by other world organizations, the number of helicopters we are sending, the importance of the Singaporean aid in Aceh, the gratitude that the locals have for Singapore. Come on. Just do it. Don't announce it to the world. It is our duty to help as fellow human beings.

This tsunami was so close to this island state of ours. We were lucky to be blocked by Indonesia and Malaysia. Life is fragile. It takes so long to build up a life, but it can be destroyed in the blink of an eye. Like a flame of a candle. Incandescent. Burning bright. Beautiful flame. But this flame is fragile. You don't have to do much to extinguish it.

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

I want to head right, but my body forces me toward the left.