Can you spot Me?
Time really flies...
It all seem like it didn't happen too long ago. This is a picture of a class outing back in primary school. I still remember my teacher's name- Miss Lye. But she got married when she taught us and we had to call her Mrs Chia instead. Wonder how she is doing? I still have images in my mind of me and my classmates rushing down to the canteen during recess, and playing Hantam Bolah using Pong Pong fruits ( We had lots of pong pong trees in school). There was this guy who likes to compete who can eat the mosy chilli... How I used to always play "One Leg" during free time... Don't think many ppl know what one leg is... Don't think kids play that anymore. Also buy all the Dragon Ball cards with 20-cent coins, hoping to get the 闪卡. I still have my dragonball cards. What a carefree life I had then? Life was a no-brainer...
Ushering the year of the dog, I'm really starting to get nervous about my age. Freakin 24... I reflect and look back on what I've achieved so far and it struck me. Nothing. There are so many regrets in my life and so many things that I wished could have been this or that way... But it's too late now for some of those things. If only I had been bold in getting what I really wanted. I can never go back now... I feel suffocated when I ponder what and where I will be at the next year of the dog... Wang! Wang!
The feeling of getting old really hits me when I start conversing with Year-Ones. Somehow, I just can't seem to really connect. My jokes aren't funny to them. Their jokes aren't funny to me. I don't even share the same kind of childhood as some of them. They really make me feel that I am of a certain age now. I feel like expired can food or Ba Hu（肉松) that has lao hong(漏风)- no longer fresh. Out-dated. No longer tasty.
我要我的青春。。。 回来吧， 我遗失的时光。。。
Do you See who I really Am inside?
Quote from
Transamerica that left an impression:
" I want people to
See me." - Bree
" I
See you." - Toby
Sometimes, you just need a person to See who you really are on the inside. For all those who have found this person, you are blessed. I have this perhaps self-fulfilling prophecy that I might never find this person. Especially when I have a disability to treasure and appreciate myself. No one can hate you more than you hate yourself.
For me, it's no big deal that you live your entire life alone. It's nothing to be ashamed of. It's a matter of choice. But sometimes when your spirits are down, you just yearn for someone to verify who you stand for and be proud of who you are. So it's harder to get through times when you feel like you're all alone.
It's sad how social stigma traps us and forces us to fit ourselves into certain social cells. We, in turn, expect others to fit into certain norms as well. Failure in doing so will result in being labelled "abnormal", "weird" or even "disgusting". Failure to do so might even result in abuse, ridicule and even ostracism. It's a shame that we are sometimes so quick to disassociate ourselves from the "abnormal", just in case other people think we are "abnormal" too. It's a shame we are worried about how people look at us, and forget to be who we really are in the process. All the make pretence. All the self-assurance. All that oppression of others to make ourselves feel better. It's a shame how we are unable to see beyond the skin, see beyond gender, see beyond sex, to look deeper into anything that appears different.
But it's easier said than done sometimes. Sometimes, there is just so much at stake. There is just so much to lose when you are ostracised. Are we brave enough to face loneliness? Are we brave enough to walk alone? Are we brave enough to lose all that we treasure?
Life would be so much simpler and perhaps better if we could all see people for who they really are, instead of what they are...
" I don't even know why I do the things I do... "
