都是我
最近爱上了梁咏琪的“原来爱情这么伤”。虽然， 我会把它列入K歌的行列中，它却是一首触动人心的歌。梁咏琪 的歌声和唱法太适合这首歌了。 歌词也写得不错。
词曲：彭学斌
我睁开眼睛 却感觉不到天亮 东西吃一半 莫名其妙哭一场
我忍住不想 时间变得更漫长 也与你有关 否则又开始胡思乱想
我日月无光 忙得不知所以然 找朋友交谈 其实全帮不上忙
以为会习惯 有你在才是习惯 你曾住在我心上 现在空了一个地方
原来爱情这么伤 比想像中还难
泪水总是不听话 幸福躲起来不声不响
太多道理太牵强 道理全是一样
说的时候很简单 爱上后却阵脚大乱
我日月无光 忙得不知所以然 找朋友交谈 其实全帮不上忙
以为会习惯 有你在才是习惯 你曾住在我心上 现在空了一个地方
原来爱情这么伤 比想像中还难
泪水总是不听话 幸福躲起来不声不响
太多道理太牵强 道理全是一样
说的时候很简单 爱上后却阵脚大乱
只想变得坚强 强到能够去忘 无所谓悲伤 只要学会抵抗
原来爱情这么伤 原来爱情是这样 这样峰回路转
泪水明明流不干 瞎了眼还要再爱一趟
有一天终于打完 思念的一场战
回过头再看一看 原来爱情那么伤
下次还会不会这样。。。
－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－
我读书生涯的最后一个学期开始了。有点厌倦， 有点喜悦， 有点累。。。 我知道我会怀念这悠闲的日子。 每天在我耳边 围绕的总是这几个问题： “你毕业后， 想做什么？”, “你开始找工作了没有？” 我真的不晓得怎么回答， 因为我也不知道我要做什么。 或者是， 我不知道我适合或能够做什么。 等我毕业时， 我将会站在人生的十字路口。 到时候， 我必定要做个决择。不过， 现在的我不想想太多。 我只想好好的享受当学生的生活。 我在逃避现实。 我现在不想去面对未来的事。 也许， 我还是个害怕长大的幼稚鬼吧。
每当夜深人静而睡不着时， 我都会不由自主的自我反醒一番。 我会评估我的人身 －－ 我的优点， 我的缺点， 我的失败。 我的欢笑， 我的悲伤， 我的苦与乐。 我的过去，我的未来， 我的寂默。
真希望自己的人生不是如此的乏味， 这么的寂默难耐。 如果我开朗一点， 就不会给别人那么大的距离感， 也就不会那么尖酸刻薄了。 有时候， 真希望自己是个万人迷。 因为当万人迷的好处和方便实在太多了。 如果我帅一点， 很多事情就不需要这么难， 这么痛苦了。 这社会就是那么的肤浅和现实。 也因为这样， 我也变得有点肤浅和现实。有时候， 强颜欢笑真的太累人了。 而我最憎恨的是，有些事情是我无法控制和掌控的。
我会问我自己： “为什么别人轻易得到的， 我却得那么的努力耕耘。 有时候， 我甚至永远都无法得到？” “难道我的生命注定有缺陷和遗憾？” “我的人身是否因此而失败？” 我有点筋疲力尽的感觉。 做事情总是打不起精神， 没有热诚。
我厌倦一个人的生活。 但是， 我又害怕打开心房。 谁会爱上像我这样的一个人？ 再这样下去， 我真的害怕我老的时候会变成一个孤苦伶仃的老变态。 我现在已经够变态了。
当太阳升起， 又是新的一天。 一切也只好顺其自然， 听天由命。 也许，人生要一步一步走才不会觉得太痛苦。
2007
It's been half a year since I visited or written anything on this blog. Back then, I felt that I should have grown out of the "blogging" phase. But perhaps, I do need this blog once in a while. There are just things that you can't tell anyone verbally, but you do want someone to know ... Get what I mean?
I never expected Shaw to still read my blog (although that was in Oct). Thanks for your comment Shaw. I too miss those "brainless" cadets days when all you had to do was to follow instructions and do them with a bunch of buddies who are in the same shit as you! Time does fly and we've ORDed for about 4 years now. And soon we shall graduate, get that piece of paper and submit ourselves to the slavery of society.
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Headed down to Siloso Beach for New Year Countdown yesterday. Haven't been to a beach countdown before and decided to go since Alicia got us free VIP passes. Can't remember when was the last time I went to a proper countdown party... Can't remember when was the last time I truly enjoyed myself...
Last night was the first time I got to the brink of getting drunk. And perhaps I had the intention of getting drunk and just lose myself for a night. Not a very good drinker, I started getting high after a few rounds of free flow beer. One hour before the clock struck 12, we headed back to the VIP area where we had seats and a clearer view of the stage. Once I sat down, I didn't want to get up anymore. While everyone was standing up and counting down to the new year, I was swaying my shoulders to the beat of the music like an old man with my bottoms glued to my seat. My head felt heavy and I didn't want to stand up.
But it didn't take me long to realise that Dennis Keller was sitting behind me. And I vaguely remember a few malay ladies standing around me during the countdown. I said "Happy New Year" to no one - What a good way to start a new year! Or did I...?
Then it came. I felt my stomach acid travelling up my throat. I was sober enough to realise that the last thing I wanted for the new year was to disgrace myself by vomitting in the VIP area. I could walk straight but my legs felt light as feather. Icoolly made my way to the nearest tree that was out of sight to the VIP area and vomited. But it was cool and liberating not to give a shit about the people staring at you as you embarrass yourself in public.
I then made my way back to the VIP area and resumed sitting there and swaying to the beat like a senile old man. Not long after, we headed back to the resort room that we had booked. I felt kind of bummed out then, but honestly still conscious. We gathered around the beds and talked cock. Then, I decided to take a nap. Later, the guys decided to head back to the beach for the foam party. I had wanted to go as part of my countdown plan, but I was too comfortable in my sleeping position to get up. And that was how my countdown ended- sleeping alone in the darkness of a resort room feeling sick from the beer.
I should have joined them for the foam party. I should have gotten drunk and not felt sick. I shouldn't have just drunk beer. I should have lost myself during the last night of 2006 having been so rigid and strict with myself all year. But should-haves are all left behind in 2006 now. I guess the party was good enough since everyone had fun and I had "some" fun.
Let's look forward to a different 2007.
