Sunday, May 30, 2004

Aching Achilles

Ended my 3-day part time job of selling shoes today. My feet are aching like mad, especially at the achilles. The seats (meant for the customers) are right in front of you but you can't sit down. The only moment of relief is when you squat down to arrange the shoes- feels like heaven, nearly orgasmic, but just nearly(haha!!). My auntie asked me:" Why do this kind of job? Need to squat down, bend down, serve customers, smell their feet?" I did not give a reply. I just thought to myself, she does not understand. She is just too narrow minded. You gotta give retailers the respect they deserve. They are actually more professional than you think they are. Not only do you have to remember the different models and where the individual models and colours are kept, you must also know the material, country of production, stretchability. You also have to keep a positive attitude 24/7, keep a smile and master the art of persuasion. The next time you pop into a shop with good service, remember the effort put in by the staff at your comfort.

The normal image of retailers we have may be gossip queens. It can be true sometimes but you can't blame them. You are trapped in a store space, standing for the emtire day. You look out of the shop only to see people passing by. You legs ache only to see customers sitting down in your shop, complaining that their feet ache from all the shopping. You might also be listening to the same CD repeating itself every hour. I guess the only entertainment is to gossip with your friends!!!I think I became more forgiving to the bad side of people's personality after I rationalize the reasons behind such behaviour. It took me some time to really open up to the customers(guess the fact that there is no commission played a part...Ha!). Although I suffered a few blows of insult to my intelligence from my colleagues who 1. do not trust me when I told them that was the last pair for that size and 2. do not trust that I can find the correct shoe, but I think I gained quite a bit too. When you are able to bring yourself below everyone else (SINCERELY of course), I think you can get through most things in life because there are bound to be downs in your life, it is just that it is easy to forget when you are at the high of your life. Cheers to life (For Now!!)

Friday, May 21, 2004

Happenings concerning jobs!!

I will be reporting for work on Monday but I don’t think I will be paid. The interviewer only told me to report for work from 0900 to 1730 and he wanted to see how capable I was. He also mentioned something about salary being weighed by capabilities or something like that. So I get this feeling that I will not be paid on Monday. I hope this is not some scam.

Also, I still haven’t receive the money for the one day temp job that I did on labour’s day. It was so hard to reach the person in charge. When I left a message for him to call me, he did not bother to call me. When I called the office, I realized that he had left for home and he had left a message for me to tell me to call another person and that he was not in charge of payment of salary. I mean he could have just called me to tell me. I will understand that it is not within his job scope. I would still be waiting for his call if I hadn’t called the office. When I finally got to the person in charge, he told me that I would only get my salary next month when I was initially told I would receive it on the 15th of this month. Arrgghhh……….

Monday, May 17, 2004

Something that pissed me off.

I was chatting to a friend on ICQ that day. This friend (A) is studying in Australia and it was one of the rare occasions where we get to meet each other on the net. It was the usual stuff.Asking what I was doing for the holidays and things like that...... Then it happened again-A started asking me about (B). B is A's very close friend when she was still in Singapore. They shared intimate stuff although they were not lovers. From my point, I would say that I am quite a good friend of B. The problem is that everytime I get to chat with A, the subject always end up talking about B. She would start asking me how B was, what he was doing, how she missed him and so on. It was okay at the beginning but when this happened on every chat we have, it kinda pisses me off. I feel like I am always living in the shadow of B. That my purpose of existence for A is to provide information about B. He is always the focus and I am growing to hate that.

Sometimes I really want to share what I feel about things to A, but perhaps the chemistry is just missing. I dont even know why I am posting this on the blog. I guess I need a avenue to vent my frustration. Perhaps it is just this feeling that nobody really understands how I feel, what I think about. Perhaps I just feel that it is important to no one or that special someone whom I can share these with has yet to appear. Or perhaps the anxiety that this someone may never appear unless I can truly grow to accept myself for who and what I am.

Human emotions are a very powerful tool and I have felt the effects on how it can affect a person's life. Especially if something from childhood caused a dramtic impact. I recall certain happenings in my childhood days that may have an impact on what I am today. Once the damage is done, it may be hard to heal.

I remember this aunt who used to comment that I was stupid and always comparing me to another cousin. He was bigger, smarter and more good-looking than I was. She made those remarks not to intentionally insult me but they hurt me in a certain way. There was also another time when another aunt invited my cousin to stay over at her place to play with her son. But she did not invite me commmenting something about not wanting to many people over because her daughter had music lessons or something like that. I started crying and seeing me in tears, she reluctantly asked me over as well. This incident had a great impact on me. This resulted me in reacting in eccentric ways in certain situations. There was always this insecurity of being unwanted but I have grown to slowly overcome this.

I think enoughs said for this posting. I just want to share that the next time you say or do something to somebody, esp. a child, think about how it may affect that person!

Friday, May 14, 2004

Midnight blabbers!!

Have you ever thought about the meaning of your life? Have you found that destiny that you are supposed to search for? It was only recently that I felt it was time this search begun. What's with my existence? The answer is never easy to arrive at. The more I question, the more I am irritated with the way things are. (Why them? Not Me? Why Me? Not Them? Why? Why? Why? ) Do we have control over our destiny? Why is it that( as Orwell states) there are always some more equal than the others? The moment we are born, the game of survival begins. The snipping of the umblical cord initiates our existence as an individual being. Play the game whichever way you want, at the end of the day there are no winners. The physical features, the social standing, the people I meet, the people I befriend, the family, the food I eat, the time I sleep, the things I see, hear, smell, touch, taste, the things I imagine, contemplate, fantasize, desire.... Is this or perhaps isn't this all that life is about. We create so much to create a sense of control but we can never have 100% control over our lives. Do we give up creating this sense of control then. No!! because this is what keeps us alive. It makes us feel that life is worth the while and all the effort. Or does it?