Sunday, November 20, 2005

Guang Hui Seafood- like fuck

I feel so fucking pissed now, I just have to get this out of my system, b4 I explode.

I just came back from dinner with my parents. We went to makan at a hawker centre at Red Hill, the one just behind Red Hill MRT. We ordered food from this stall called Guang Hui Seafood. Remember- Guang Hui Seafood- Don't eat there! Pass the word around. Fucking bad service.

We ordered stir-fried beef with ginger, fish head with diced-beans and a plate of kailan. 3 simple dishes. We sat down and waited. And waited. And waited for freaking 30 over minutes, still the food didn't come. It wasn't like there was a long queue at the stall. My father went over to ask them what had happened. They said it was on the way. My guess is that they had forgotten our order. Never mind, being the nice and understanding people we are, we continued waiting. Not long later, the bitch from the stall came over and told us they ran out of beef. The bitch: “Sorry hoh, 没有牛肉了。 鹿肉可以吗?还是你要排骨王? ” Now, you tell us.... She suggested changing to deer meat instead. Again, being nice, we agreed.

Again we sat there, and waited, and waited and waited. My face turned black like Bao Gong from all that waiting. After another 15 minutes, finally the first dish came, the freaking small plate of stir-fried venison and 3 plates of rice. Then came the fish head. After another 5 minutes, the bitch appeared with a plate of vegetables. It wasn't kailan, it was spinach. She said they had run out of kailan. The bitch: "Sorry hoh, 没有KAILAN 了, 菠菜可以吗? ” She didn't even ask if we wanted spinach. She just assumed and cooked spinach for us, expecting us to pay for something we didn't order. My dad, being the nice person, accepted the vegetables and just told her if he knew he would have cancelled all orders. We ate the food in 10 minutes and left the hawker centre. She did say she was sorry, but it was obvious she didn't mean it. Her apology was just customary.

We should have cancelled the orders after 30 minutes of waiting. My dad shouldn't have accepted the fucking spinach. We didn't order that and they fucking assumed we didn't mind the change after making us wait for 40 over minutes in total. Being nice and kind just doesn't pay. You always become push-overs. I would see myself as a nice person who tries to put myself in other people's shoes and always try to make everyone happy. But fuck! People are always doing things, forcing me not to be nice, convincing me that it just doesn't pay to be nice. What's wrong with this world? We don't appreciate people who are nice, but simply bully them for that. Why must people and circumstances always convince me that being nice is being cruel to myself? I should just become a self-centred fuck who just think for myself. Play around with people, manipulate them and make use of them for my own benefit. That's the way to go.

I hate it when I get the feeling that people take advantage of me or make use of me. I hate it even more when I get the feeling that the same is done to my family. Why must we always be the ones to be taken advantage of? All my experience of being nice over the years made me come up with one conclusion- It just doesn't pay to be nice. People don't appreciate it. 男人不坏, 女人不爱。 No one bothers about the good and wholesome weirdo. I do think that I'm no longer as nice or as easily pushed around, compared to a few years ago. But I guess that isn't enough. Great, people on MSN are using pics of their girlfriends. Great, show off your girlfriends to the world. Dig it in. Deeper... Feels good. Cut me some slack.

Remember: Guang Hui Seafood, at the hawker centre behind Red Hill MRT. Do not eat there. The food isn't great and the service is like fuck. Actually the service is fuck. Pass the word around.

Feel much better now. Time to work.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Fucked up essays

I was supposed to collect my 2nd film essay from the lit. department. This essay constitutes 20% of the total score. The TA left it outside her office and we were to collect it. Before I could collect it, the entire pile of essays were stolen. Someone actually stole the entire stack of essays. My lecturer suspects its one of the students who did it, to gain an advantage over the rest during revision. Some people are just so low. Fucked up. Anything to get a good grade and to gain an advantage over others. Whoever you are who stole- Burn in Hell!

To make matters worse, my TA just sent me my results for the 2nd essay. Since she can't recover the marked essays, she decided to email us our marks. Guess what? I got a bloody C+!
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck to infinity!

Below is my TA's email to me:

I'm sorry to inform you that the stolen essays have not been returned. You have received a high C+ grade for your second assignment so that's a nice improvement over your last essay. All the best with your exam preparation. Take care.
Regards,
XXXX

High C+? Nice improvement? I went from a C for the first essay to a C+. You call that high and nice? Just tell me my essay sucks and tell me how I can improve. I can't stand it that she keep making you feel like there's nothing wrong, when something is terribly wrong when you keep getting Cs. Stop being NICE at the wrong time, for the wrong purpose. And stop using that lovey-dovey tone, that [Barney the idiotically freakish purple dinosaur-Hi kids "I love you, you love me"] tone. Spank when you have to.

I was expecting a B-/B at least for what I wrote. But C and C+??? These are the worst essay results I've gotten so far. I am so fucked for this module. I screwed up 30%. Majority of people in class are getting B+ and A. Here I am, struggling to get a C. What's wrong with me? Can it get any worse off than this?

This is my worst academic season so far. No confidence in any of the module.

I will overcome...

Sunday, November 13, 2005

iNsYnC is officially online

Our newsletter is now officially online. And we are the first and only class to have finished the newsletter and put it online. I must say we did a pretty good job, despite my condemnation and incessant bitching about the lack of camaraderie. I must say the committee did a pretty good job.

I read through all the autobiographies of my classmates. After reading, I realised we have a pool of great talent in class. Many crouching tigers and hidden dragons. Many interesting personalities. Quite a few of them don't look the part, but actually have hidden talents. Me no hidden talents, therefore no tiger or dragon. Me frog in the well with not much talents. It's a pity we didn't know each other better when we had the chance.

I have to say that our leader writes pretty well. Perhaps that's one reason why she got the job. There were a few others who wrote pretty well too- interesting reads. Reading through all the autobios, I have to say that mine is one of the worse. The lack of vocabulary is one reason, but more importantly I did a bad job because I was bad in sharing my life. My autobio was superficial and boring. Didn't really say much about the real me!!!

I just don't like to reveal too much of ME to others. I like to stay mysterious? I'm shy to say what I really am or like? Nobody truly knows what goes on in my life. I just don't like people to know too much about me. Defence mechanism- afraid of getting hurt, afraid people will know too much about me? I'm sure there everyone has a secret part of themselves they never tell others about, except maybe with a loved one. Me no loved one, so no experience.

Wanna share yours here? Flicking your gold after digging your nose? Wearing the same underwear for weeks? A member of the KKK or Falun Gong? Slept with your lecturer to upgrade from an A to A+? Anything also can lah... My confession: Indeed, I have flicked my gold after digging my nose on several private moments. But I have to defend myself that I always ensure I flick them into the dustbin. What about you?





















With exams round the corner, it's really time to get serious. I've bummed around enough. Time to hit the books. But it's just so shiok to bum around, don't you agree? I can always make up my CAP by working harder next semester, right? Why torture yourself? Uni life is supposed to be fun isn't it? Unless you get a CAP 5.0, it wouldn't do much to change your exisiting CAP anyway- so what's the point in working so hard? OK lah, me stop playing DEVIL to those trying to study. Time for me to be good boy who study and don't waste parents' money that pay for tuition fees.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

I have to be insane to do this at this hour

The time is now 4 am in the morning. Here I am typing on my keyboard, refusing to go to sleep. Just finished reading all my previous blogging entries one by one, from my first post to the last. I don't know why I'm doing this but I just did. I must be insane. I do have some entries that I look at them now and think "I can't believe I said that?", "Aren't I a genius to write that?"and
"What was I thinking?" Through my entries, I am able to see how much my mindset has changed over the past 2 years. I have "grown up" a little and lost some of that youth, that naive optimism towards life. I am becoming a typical Singaporean adult, who sells his soul to society, loses all individuality and humanity, and whose only entertainment is complaining about how the world treats him bad and how he deserves better. Fuck me, I want my youth back. I've never enjoyed my youth and I'm not letting it go like that.

I'd better sleep now before the sun rises...

Media writing class

Yesterday, we had our last Media Writing class. Basically,for the module, the class forms an editorial team and comes up with an online newsletter. You send in your resume at the start of the semester for the position you want and the tutor will decide which role you play. (There were 4 managerial positions in the committee up for grabs) I didn't get the managerial positon I wanted, ended up as a staff writer (a worker bee), sucks. The leader was to lead the class in the creation of this online newsletter.

The leader sets the tone of the class. In my opinion, our leader failed miserably in leading the class. For the entire semester, she chose to keep quiet during lessons and left the all the making of announcements to her assistant. I don't understand why she and her assistant don't like to communicate information with the class face-to-face. She always choose to communicate things through emails. The only thing she and her assistant say in class is "Okay guys, I will send out an email to you telling about ..."

Every single week, most of the 2 hour tutorial proceeds in silence. Normally, the tutor is involved only in the first 30 minutes of tutorial. After that, she passes the time to the leader and the class to coordinate their newsletter efforts. When the tutor passes the time over, the leader doesn't do mucn and everyone is just doing their own thing on their computer monitors. There is hardly any interaction among the class. I don't understand why all the other committee members don't speak to the class and choose to follow her system of sending emails and yahoo messages. The end of the semester is approaching and still I do not know the name of my classmates. Everything is left to be done through yahoo group messages and email. There's 2 f**king hours of tutorial time. Can't you just address the class face to face? She even had the cheek to lie through her teeth, telling the entire lecture group that our class works well as a team. (Leaders had to report the class progress to the lecture group) Bullshit! I guess as a person, she's nice. But as a leader, she sucks big time.

I was so bored in class yesterday. It was silent and everyone was clicking away at their own monitors. I have no idea what they're so busy with. I had nothing to do. I just sat there in my revolving chair, spinning left to right, acting like an idiot and annoying the people around me.

When I see the bonding in the other classes, I feel sick with my own class. They know each other by name, they work together, they make decisions togther, they basically have a good time in class. For me, media writing class is a torture. Cold, silent, undermined. Nobody cares about nobody. Just sit there on your cold ass, we'll email you shortly. Screwed up yahoo message communication- always cause miscommunication and unclear directions.

All media writing tutorial groups are to come up with their newsletter by end of this week. The newsletters will all be sent in for some competition, and a winner will be chosen among the tutorial groups. Good luck to us in WINNING. I'm sure most of the class don't even know what the final product looks like.

Yesterday, we were told by our tutor that we had all screwed up our news release. There was some misunderstanding and miscommunication between the tutor and the assistant leader. To cut to the chase, the assistant leader gave us instructions on what to write for our news release, but it wasn't what the tutor wanted. So the entire class has to rewrite the news release. The assistant leader was apolegetic and quickly sent out an yahoo message to apologise. (yahoo message again). Then people started to reply to him, consoling him that it was alright, no harm done and blah... I don't blame him also, small matter. But I just have this feeling that some of the consolation given by my classmates are fake. There's a class peer evaluation that we have to submit soon. I can't help but think that some of them are consoling the guy for the sake of scoring points for their evaluation. Maybe I'm just being "small-heart-eye", but the possibility is there. I hope they're sincere in consoling him and not being hyprocrital to score points.

Look what higher education has turn some of us into- f**king hypocrites who are slaves to our grades. This is what we're made to become. Is this what we pride as higher learning? Stupid us. We think we're highly educated undergradutes with a high social standing. But we're actually soul-less beings undergoing higher training to be slaves to society and, in the process, giving up the important parts that make us human.

Sucky essays, shit, shot down

Wanted to post this entry yesterday but I was too lazy to.

Sucky essays

For all the semesters so far, I've written the suckiest and shittiest essays for this semester. Got a bloody C for my first film essay. Wrote my second essay the 1 am on the day of submission. Gave up writing at 3 am and went to sleep. Woke up at 8 am to continue the essay. Still I couldn't finish. In the end, I skipped tutorial so that I could finish it. Wrote total crap and kept repeating myself.

For my PR report, I only started writing the night before the deadline as usual. Started only at night, gave up at around 2 am. Woke up at 8.30 am to finish it. Couldn't finish it before my first lesson of the day. Went for my first tutorial and headed straight to the comp lab after that to finish my report. Eventually, finished the report at 3 pm+. Sucks, another report without substance.

I am just unmotivated for this semester. Don't feel like doing any of the assignments. Exam is in 2 weeks time but I feel nothing. I have yet to touch a single page of my readings. Just feel like relak one korner and just flip through my notes the day before the exams. Just feel f**king sian of the whole education system. Just wanna sleep, sleep, sleep...


Shit

I was shitting in the AS1 level 2 toilet yesterday. After sitting down on the toilet bowl, I tried to concentrate on moving my bowels- shortage of fibre recently. But I couldn't concentrate. There was this guy in the cubicle beside mine, moaning and groaning. "Ahh...", "Mm..." , "Ahh..." (Short moans). What's his problem? Does shitting gives him orgasms? When I was finally done with my "business", he was still in his cubicle, enjoying his personal time... Haha... If he's happy, I'm happy for him.


Shot down

I was informed that I wasn't chosen for the internship interview that I signed up for. This was my lecturer's reply to me for my application:

Dear Chien Hao,

I am sorry to inform you that you were not selected for the interview this time. However, if I know the position that suits your interest, I will definitely let you know.

XXXXXXX

I thought I had everything the company wanted. I guess everybody has everything the company wanted and they had extra stuff that I don't have. I'm not upset that I didn't get the internship position, I'm upset that I wasn't even selected for the interview. I just don't get it. Why? WHy? WHY? Better luck next time.